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Which one of you motherfuckers de-friended me on facebook?

Which one of you motherfuckers de-friended me on facebook
Written:
Monday, March 12, 2007 at 10:45am
I know it wasn’t anyone reading this note because if you’re reading this note you’re probably my facebook friend. However, let this serve as a warning for anyone reading who is considering de-friending myself or anyone else for arbitrary reasons. Every once in a while, maybe twice a month or so, I’ll log onto facebook and notice that the number of friends I have at Ithaca College is not the same as it was. There is one less person. I notice these things because I am on facebook a lot, not because I love facebook or anything like that, but because at my internship I do nothing for eight straight hours. I don’t have time to memorize each and every facebook friend that I have, however, when I see a post on someone else’s wall from a person I thought I was facebook friends with, whose profile I can no longer view I know what happened.

I don’t know who you are; all I want to know is why. Why would you de-friend me on facebook? Was it something I did, something I said? I haven’t even spoken to 85% of the people at Ithaca in more than a year, but somehow, someway, somebody decides that I am no longer worthy of the tag “facebook friend.” Is it really that important to you people who your facebook friends are? Is it necessary that we keep the amount of friends on this social network called facebook to the absolute lowest possible number? Are you killing off the friends that aren’t really friends in order to sanitize your facebook page for your “real” friends? What is it?

Perhaps some will say that because I haven’t talked to people in so long they’ve decided that we shouldn’t be facebook friends. But isn’t this an even greater reason to remain friends on facebook? If we’re not communicating through any other means, and you once thought enough of me to consider me a facebook friend in the first place, why now disown me on the web? This is ridiculous. Why does anyone do this? Why would you cut out your facebook friends for no reason at all? Then the person who has been de-friended is left to sit and wonder, who it was and why they did it and what they could have done to keep it from happening? No one should be forced to live like this.

So here I sit at my cubicle at The Hollywood Reporter looking at my now 297 friends at Ithaca College. It’s disheartening. Not because I’ve lost anything meaningful for any meaningful reason, but because I’ve lost something arbitrary for some even more arbitrary reason. It’s really not like facebook is the internet manifestation of your true allegiances and relationships. It’s not like anyone’s judged — at least for anything important — on the amount of facebook friends that they have, and certainly never for having too many.

So honestly, why? Why would you do it? Just know that one of these days in the not too distant future, I will find you. You, who were my 298th facebook friend, who took back your facebook friendship for no reason at all, I will see your profile somewhere and I will know that it was you. Now that facebook has made stalking so easy a third grader could do it (and a third grader actually can now that facebook is open to everyone with an e-mail address) I will find you and vengeance shall be mine. I will rain down upon you with unrelenting, unparalleled force, the likes of which has not been seen in this or any other social networking site in the history of man. Because honestly, who de-friends people on facebook?

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